Valentine’s Day: The Annual Ritual of Flower-Wielding Stereotypes

Ah, Valentine’s Day—the one day of the year when men, in all their infinite wisdom, decide to show us women that they totally understand what we want. They know exactly how to make us feel special: flowers. Because nothing says “I care” like cutting down a beautiful living thing to put in a vase. It’s like nature’s way of saying, “Here’s a gift to show I’m already dead inside. Enjoy.”

The menfolk, ever the romantic strategists, believe that if they plop a bouquet of roses in front of us and say, “I know you love these,” we’ll collapse into a puddle of gratitude. Forget the fact that maybe we’d prefer a thoughtful conversation or some action that shows us we matter beyond 3 p.m. on February 14. Nope. It’s all about those flowers.

And don’t even get started on chocolate. If a woman has a sweet tooth, surely it must be on par with her love of overpriced, heart-shaped sugar bricks. Because nothing says “I appreciate you” like the same confection you’re bound to binge eat while watching a rom-com that makes you want to gouge your eyes out.

Let’s not forget the magical art of the dinner reservation. Yes, it’s February 14th, and a table at that overpriced Italian restaurant is practically a love letter in itself. Men are out here thinking that booking dinner where the menu is 90% overpriced pasta and 10% "special Valentine's Day" sauces is the equivalent of sweeping us off our feet. Sure, honey. We’re really here for the atmosphere of waiting 45 minutes just to sit next to someone else’s awkward date.

And then there’s the heartfelt love letter. In the grand tradition of men misreading what women really want, they pen a note—short, sweet, and emotionally neutral—because what better way to express love than with a generic Hallmark card? The depth of emotion in these cards is so thick you could slice it with a butter knife. “To my beautiful wife, Happy Valentine’s Day. You’re so special to me. Love, [Your Name].” The personalization really gets you. Makes you feel like he took two minutes out of his day to really dig deep into the profound feelings he’s trying to express.

But the real kicker? The men who genuinely believe women would rather receive an expensive gift over a quiet evening spent together. A bouquet, a box of chocolates, dinner at a crowded restaurant, and a brand new fancy bracelet? That’s real love, right? Because nothing says "I truly know you" like buying us the thing we didn't ask for and have no real use for. After all, our feelings can be captured in material goods, not shared moments. Who needs depth when you can just swipe that credit card?

So to all the well-meaning men out there: Remember this: Women don't need your gifts, your flowers, your over-priced dinners. What we really want is your time—and possibly a day without your “helpful” Valentine’s Day suggestions. But hey, you tried... and isn't that what counts? (For a solid 30 seconds before we roll our eyes.)

Happy Valentine’s Day!